Yes, I am the father of an angel.

Although it may sound contradictory, I have found that the notion that angels are heavenly beings created by God for specific purposes, (such as transmitting messages to men, carrying out his will, and participating in spiritual battles) helps me better understand my son's current status: on a spiritual plane of existence close to the Creator.

So, yes, in a way, my son is now an angel. And all of us who have lost a child have someone closer to the Father.

In this world, we will face many tribulations and problems. And, in faith, we are exhorted to trust, for our God has overcome the world. Personally, I have not encountered a situation that tests this trust more than the loss of a child.

As I mentioned in my last blog, an "I understand you" and a hug from the Creator brought me comfort. But in reality it is more than that.

I do not intend to canonize myself as an ultra-spiritual person. Very far from it. I am a normal believer, with my struggles and weaknesses. Imperfect, but trusting in Him who is perfect. And in telling this particular experience, I do so with the hope that it can help someone who has also lost a son or daughter, or a loved family member.

Nobody understands me!

In my experience, one of the most challenging feelings when facing the loss of someone is the natural feeling that no one understands my pain. This perception is especially intensified when parents lose a child.

I do not wish it to be misunderstood. I believe that each type of grief is unique, and I cannot say that the loss of a mother, father or loved one is not painful. However, there is something particular about losing a child that adds an extra burden to that suffering. Becoming an orphan when losing a parent, a widow when losing a partner... But there is no word to describe parents who lose a son or daughter. Perhaps because it is a pain that one cannot (or rather does not want to) even name...

After all, it is natural for children to bury their parents. But... No parent would have to bury their child.

That is why only a person who has gone through that oven understands how difficult it is to overcome it. Normal condolences, while appreciated, are not enough. What's more, you end up not wanting the average person to understand it, because it is a pain that you do not wish on anyone.

But if there are those of us who understand...

So, now what?

Some time after it happened, my wife and I took a few days to ourselves, and went on a few days trip. On that trip, we contacted a couple who runs a ministry specifically dedicated to helping couples who have suffered a similar loss.

Their case was even more dramatic, since it was not an illness, but violence that took their beloved son from them. They were an important part of our process, because we could finally talk to someone who really understood us. For me, that's the first step: seek help.

Especially for men, we traditionally link seeking help with weakness, and so we don't complain or seek advice. This is, in my experience, a serious mistake. Grief can cause wounds so deep that they continue to bleed even after they have superficially closed. A pastor, a spiritual leader, a trusted therapist, a ministry dedicated to that. And, why not, a health professional. Sometimes pain in the soul manifests itself in afflictions in the body. The important thing is to seek help.

But first and above all, seek God. Later I will tell you how that search and worshiping Him, were crucial for I being able to move forward.

Keep your eyes on the future.

If your loss was recent, you may not understand these words now. However, believe it or not, there will come a time when the pain will not be as bad. There will come a time when you will be able to remember without crying. There will come a time when you will cry, but it won't hurt as much because the memory will bring you a little closer to the one you miss so much. Even if you don't believe it right now, over time, you will heal. Come to the Healer par excellence, and let yourself be treated.

In the next post, I will share how The Healer has impacted my life. Until the next reading!